Total Eclipse of the Chart
A parody of Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
A parody of Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" dramatizing the open rate crisis: Apple MPP proxy preloads, AI bot scans, and privacy layers have turned the most-watched metric in email into noise. The narrator searches for deliverability truth in click-through rates and first-party data as the chart goes dark.
5:39
Duration
Verse 1
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit lonely
When the opens come back as bots
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit tired
Of listening to dashboards built on lies
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit nervous
That the pixels that we placed have gone blind
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit terrified
When Apple says the opens look fine
Refrain
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, stats fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, stats fall apart
Verse 2
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit restless
And I dream of cleaner signals now
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit helpless
When the proxy cache preloads all the mails
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit angry
'Cause the CTO rate has gone insane
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit terrified
When AI bots scan before humans
Refrain
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, stats fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, stats fall apart
Chorus
And I need truth now tonight
And I need it more than ever
And if the clicks are still legit
We can optimize together
And we'll only be making it right
'Cause the metrics moved on
Together we can take it to engagement this time
Consent is like a signal shining through all the dark (Through the dark)
I don't know what to trust when the opens all inflate
We're living in a proxy world with automated traits
I really need truth tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
(Forever's gonna start tonight)
Dramatic drop in intensity
Once upon a time, I was falling for views
But now I'm only falling apart
Nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the chart
Once upon a time, there was light in my stats
But now there's only noise in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the chart
Pre-Chorus
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, stats fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, stats fall apart
Chorus
And I need truth now tonight (And I need truth)
And I need it more than ever
And if the users still engage (If they trust us)
We'll be learning on forever
And we'll only be making it right (And we'll never)
Need those broken charts
Together we can make it to retention over time
Your first-party data's guiding me through all the dark (All the dark)
I don't know what to do, the opens disappeared
Machine events and privacy layers interfere
I really need truth tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
(Forever's gonna start tonight)
Slowing down, fading out dramatically
Once upon a time, I was falling for views
But now I'm only falling apart
Nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the chart
Once upon a time, there was light in my stats
But now there's only noise in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the chart
A total eclipse of the chart
A total eclipse of the chart
Outro
(Turn around, bright eyes)
(Turn around, bright eyes)
(Turn around)
(Ooh-ooh)
(AI scans, bot scans)
(Proxy loads, ghost scans)
(Ooh-ooh)
About This Song
This is a humorous parody of “Total Eclipse of the Heart”. This work is intended as a parody for comedic purposes, created in the spirit of the “right to parody” recognized in France under Article L. 122-5 of the Intellectual Property Code. The goal is not to harm the original work, but to create a new, transformative, and comedic piece.
Original Credits
Song: “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler
Songwriter: Jim Steinman
Producer: Jim Steinman
© Original song rights to respective holders. No infringement intended.
Parody Work
Lyrics: Inbox Senders Club & AI
Music: AI